last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
