Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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