i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize