What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
