Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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