If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
