we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize