Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
