you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
