you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
