$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
