hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
