grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
