i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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