hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
