Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
