Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
