i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
