I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
