Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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