Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
