So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Randomize
