That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
