Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
