Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would fuck him just for his dog
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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