about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
