I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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