listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
