belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
