I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
