she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
