Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
