in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
