dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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