what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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