I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
