Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
