Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
