I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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