As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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