You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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