Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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