Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
