nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
