just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
