he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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