How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
