one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
