Me too!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
