So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
