Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
