I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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