I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
