you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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