I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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