You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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