I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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