I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am one with the molecules
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
