fuck your aforementioned shoe
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize