I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
