If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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