She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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