everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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