if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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