Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
