I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
