it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
