We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
