k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
