I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize