when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
