he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
